Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
