Swine flu. Run for my life!
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish i was in the wii world.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
