..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
