Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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