your thong is hanging out like whoa
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
