i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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