I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My dick has a subreddit
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
