Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
