Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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