I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
