i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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