Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
