Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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