Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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