I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
