In the future we'll all be gay
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
