I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
