Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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