look no pants
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
