Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
