why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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