Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
