Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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