the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My ass is underappreciated
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Ladies don't puke and tell
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
