you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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