He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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