Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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