Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
