i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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