he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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