CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
