why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
