I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
