Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You work out of a Hotel?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
