Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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