Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
