Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
