Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
