he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
