I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Randomize
