I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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