Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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