let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
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finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
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Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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