I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
