This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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