did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
