just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
well you can't waste a boner
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
