He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
