I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
