You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
