Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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