This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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