i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
