I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
