girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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