my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
