I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
