I am spending my child support on dildos
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
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Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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