I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
