I cannot find my penis.
barbara walters just said penis...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
