I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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