somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
