trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
