"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
