I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
