He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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