why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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