That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
