The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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