i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
